Note: Today was a decent day, had a long run, enjoyed myself, have a bunch I want to blog about that is quite funny-the elections past; Iraqi soldiers that will shit anywhere, I mean anywhere-buildings, by their guard posts, random spots on posts, while out in patrol spots with Marines around-Marines love Iraqi patties laying around, they really do; Iraqi officers calling out Marines to a fight; life on camp and what it is like; life in Iraq and what it is like; the Steelers; the fact that the water today is shut off because electricity is running through it and one guy almost died taking a leak, plus I can't shower now after my 5 mile run BECAUSE FREAKING ELECTRICITY IS RUNNING IN OUR WATER AND AFTER GETTING SHOT AT AND IED"D I COULD ACTUALLY DIE IN THIS HELLHOLE TAKING A FREAKING SHOWER OR A LEAK!; today was Eid, or Christmas in Muslim countries, and they are actually selling fake AK-47s to give to children as gifts that look real, so when you drive around, you see kids pointing AK-47s everywhere; that Mickey the Mouse ate into my oatmeal so now I am pissed and considering that trap again)
I wrote this post earlier in the week, on Friday, and mainly it is now just one more funny story that will go down from a one year tour in Iraq. There are lots of stories that start out serious and then end up in the 'funny' category, once you get past them and keep on living life. I'll keep sharing as I go along. Hope all is well wherever you are.
And the Steelers are playing the Pack on TV so that's an added bonus.
_____________________________________
It is now 4 am Baghdad time and I am writing a blog post about why I am not asleep when I have to get up in 3 or 4 hours. This is because I have a very hard time sleeping at night in Iraq and my bunk mates are on edge, because they think I am certifiably crazy and they are about to ban me from sleeping at night plus take my weapons when I am asleep. I have blogged about this fact before, and the guys used to be pissed that I was sleeping so much during the day, so I obliged them and switched my schedule around. They quickly realized that it is better for all involved if I just stay up most of the night and do work or get on the internet.
Just the other night, I tried to go to bed 'early,' it was maybe 0120, and that turned out to be a very bad idea. You see, I have this bad habit of having night terrors (Think Homer Simpson and the king cobras x 100). The last night terror I had I ended up kicking the bunk bed above me about 10 times, slashing my foot to where I almost needed stitches, and waking up about 50 guys with my screaming and carrying on, who, in turn, loaded their weapons with that very distinct 'click' and then huddled around their bunks waiting to shoot screaming lead at the first person that moved. Very pleasant morning discussions about THAT little episode. I spent the next week wearing 'combat' sneakers (oh how the Marines loved THAT!) and earning nicknames like "Captain Sneakers."
So, like I was saying, I went to bed about 0120 and I ended up waking up in one of these night terrors at about 0230. When I say waking up, I barely even remember what was going on. I always wake up from these dreams with this terrifyingly sick sense of fear, the most terrifying fear I have ever felt in my life. This particular dream was one of the worst, if not THE worst I have ever had. I am always convinced that there is someone, or something, standing just around me waiting to do the most horrible and painful things to me that I can ever imagine. As I am in Iraq it is not a stretch to imagine some Iraqi insurgents have infiltrated my room to cart me off, slap me into an orange jumpsuit, make me beg for my life and then proceed to chop my head off on national television as my family watches in horror.
I wake up to this terrifying dread, and so I go after the thing that is there to do me harm. There is nothing there, of course, but I spend the next few minutes beating the shit out of my desk near my bunk. I am out of my bunk, punching it with my fist, and everything on it is flying around the room--notebooks, water bottles, an odd sock, papers, maps, a piece of flak from the last IED attack that I was in, a Family Guy DVD that my friends sent to me, pens, pencils, keys, a few stray rounds of ammunition--meanwhile my hand hurts like hell now and has some scratches on it as it is bleeding.
It doesn't help that while I am doing this, I am 1) not coherent or fully awake, and 2) screaming at the top of my lungs, in what they tell me is the most blood-curdling scream you will ever hear anyone make.
So after a few seconds? of this, my neighbor starts pounding on his wall and screaming at me "Wake up, wake up, shit, wake up ARE YOU OK???"
I finally realize that I am awake and I had another pleasant dream.
Everything in the VERY dark room is deathly quiet. 7 guys not making a single sound. Total silence.
So I mumble something about being fine and roll over, and go back to sleep.
Meanwhile, in the back of the room, one guy has rolled off of his bunk in only his underwear, loaded his weapon, has his M-4 rifle pointed at the doorway and is ready to shoot the first thing that moves. He is convinced that 1) I have just been mortally stabbed and I am bleeding all over the place, and 2) my neighbor was next, and 3) the insurgents are picking us off one by one.
He asks the guy next to him what the hell happened and gets the response, "oh that's just what he does at night".
One of the other guys had rolled onto the floor and pulled the pistol out from under his pistol. It, too, was loaded and pointed out.
By morning I am the only one who ever got anymore sleep the rest of the night. The guys have been giving me a very wide berth and (jokingly??) wonder if I am insane. They have decided it is better to live with my odd hours than to put up with another episode of half-asleep soldiers drawing down on each other in the middle of the room.
So I write this to you in good humor but in fact I was scared out of my mind and really thought I was about to die in some horrific manner, the death and the fear were so intimate, so real, it is really hard to describe, it is actually worse than any other fear that I have yet experienced here in Iraq.
Still, in all, it is a good story, and I really do laugh about it now.
I wrote this post earlier in the week, on Friday, and mainly it is now just one more funny story that will go down from a one year tour in Iraq. There are lots of stories that start out serious and then end up in the 'funny' category, once you get past them and keep on living life. I'll keep sharing as I go along. Hope all is well wherever you are.
And the Steelers are playing the Pack on TV so that's an added bonus.
_____________________________________
It is now 4 am Baghdad time and I am writing a blog post about why I am not asleep when I have to get up in 3 or 4 hours. This is because I have a very hard time sleeping at night in Iraq and my bunk mates are on edge, because they think I am certifiably crazy and they are about to ban me from sleeping at night plus take my weapons when I am asleep. I have blogged about this fact before, and the guys used to be pissed that I was sleeping so much during the day, so I obliged them and switched my schedule around. They quickly realized that it is better for all involved if I just stay up most of the night and do work or get on the internet.
Just the other night, I tried to go to bed 'early,' it was maybe 0120, and that turned out to be a very bad idea. You see, I have this bad habit of having night terrors (Think Homer Simpson and the king cobras x 100). The last night terror I had I ended up kicking the bunk bed above me about 10 times, slashing my foot to where I almost needed stitches, and waking up about 50 guys with my screaming and carrying on, who, in turn, loaded their weapons with that very distinct 'click' and then huddled around their bunks waiting to shoot screaming lead at the first person that moved. Very pleasant morning discussions about THAT little episode. I spent the next week wearing 'combat' sneakers (oh how the Marines loved THAT!) and earning nicknames like "Captain Sneakers."
So, like I was saying, I went to bed about 0120 and I ended up waking up in one of these night terrors at about 0230. When I say waking up, I barely even remember what was going on. I always wake up from these dreams with this terrifyingly sick sense of fear, the most terrifying fear I have ever felt in my life. This particular dream was one of the worst, if not THE worst I have ever had. I am always convinced that there is someone, or something, standing just around me waiting to do the most horrible and painful things to me that I can ever imagine. As I am in Iraq it is not a stretch to imagine some Iraqi insurgents have infiltrated my room to cart me off, slap me into an orange jumpsuit, make me beg for my life and then proceed to chop my head off on national television as my family watches in horror.
I wake up to this terrifying dread, and so I go after the thing that is there to do me harm. There is nothing there, of course, but I spend the next few minutes beating the shit out of my desk near my bunk. I am out of my bunk, punching it with my fist, and everything on it is flying around the room--notebooks, water bottles, an odd sock, papers, maps, a piece of flak from the last IED attack that I was in, a Family Guy DVD that my friends sent to me, pens, pencils, keys, a few stray rounds of ammunition--meanwhile my hand hurts like hell now and has some scratches on it as it is bleeding.
It doesn't help that while I am doing this, I am 1) not coherent or fully awake, and 2) screaming at the top of my lungs, in what they tell me is the most blood-curdling scream you will ever hear anyone make.
So after a few seconds? of this, my neighbor starts pounding on his wall and screaming at me "Wake up, wake up, shit, wake up ARE YOU OK???"
I finally realize that I am awake and I had another pleasant dream.
Everything in the VERY dark room is deathly quiet. 7 guys not making a single sound. Total silence.
So I mumble something about being fine and roll over, and go back to sleep.
Meanwhile, in the back of the room, one guy has rolled off of his bunk in only his underwear, loaded his weapon, has his M-4 rifle pointed at the doorway and is ready to shoot the first thing that moves. He is convinced that 1) I have just been mortally stabbed and I am bleeding all over the place, and 2) my neighbor was next, and 3) the insurgents are picking us off one by one.
He asks the guy next to him what the hell happened and gets the response, "oh that's just what he does at night".
One of the other guys had rolled onto the floor and pulled the pistol out from under his pistol. It, too, was loaded and pointed out.
By morning I am the only one who ever got anymore sleep the rest of the night. The guys have been giving me a very wide berth and (jokingly??) wonder if I am insane. They have decided it is better to live with my odd hours than to put up with another episode of half-asleep soldiers drawing down on each other in the middle of the room.
So I write this to you in good humor but in fact I was scared out of my mind and really thought I was about to die in some horrific manner, the death and the fear were so intimate, so real, it is really hard to describe, it is actually worse than any other fear that I have yet experienced here in Iraq.
Still, in all, it is a good story, and I really do laugh about it now.
posted by Chairborne Stranger at 12:24 AM
19 Comments:
Yes, now you can laugh, but I understand the horror you must go through when you have those dreams. It's no wonder why you can't sleep. As for mickey....it's all fun and games until he starts stealing your oats! Thinking of you in my prayers!
Given your situation and the level of your nightmares, I'm not sure this will help, but you might want to read up on "lucid dreaming." Basically it's a state of semi-consciousness where you can take control of your dream and change its circumstances so that you're fine.
Hang in there!
Check out what Claire said. We all need sleep. You need it more than most. There has to be some help for you and I'm sure others that are suffering the same thing.
My brother's friend used to have night terrors. Actually, he still has them - the only difference being that my brother doesn't live with him anymore. My brother said it’s one of the scariest things he’s ever seen, and he’s not the one with the terrors.
No suggestions, no solutions. Just… empathy.
You know , that first story was amazing and I just cant believe someone can get that bad of nightmares or dreams. Im really sorry about that, but even when your not in a war zone it happens and it sucks. I think its just all of your fears , showing themselves to you. Anyway, i hope your doing well.
Take care
Chair--best of luck! I knwo what you're going though, in more ways than one...
Lucid dreaming rocks, 'specially when you can turn a corner in a hallway and find Vida Guerra or Eva Longoria waiting for you. What you do with them is totally your choice!
Honestly, I'm amazed more of your compatriots don't have night terrors, considering your living/working situation. Sleep well when you can. And sweet, non-freaky-flail-and-thrash dreams to you.
Bless your heart...I love the idea of the "combat" tennis shoes.. Must be a fabulous fashion statement.. I put you on the prayer list at my church. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts- you are a gifted writer...
Well I am glad you are laughing about it now.
have you tried the hot milk and honey ??
(but you can't have that if you're lactos, cuz that's gonna keep you up as well..)
It seems you should stick to sleeping during the day. Sounds like it would be better for everyone's sanity.
Is the water back on? I imagine a week without a shower in the desert can't be too pleasant.
This is very un-p.c. of me but I have to say- selling fake AK-47s to children in observance of a religious holiday? I find that a little messed up.
Here's hoping your dreams are filled with Steph in stilletos and not insurgents with automatics . . . . get some rest!
PS - Adam agreed with you about the fishnets thing, attack Steph for the hold up in your morale inspiring pictures.
Yeah...I am with the other's, try and think about 'Steph' in fishnets nad stilletto's just before you go to sleep. let your imagination conjure up her exotic (from your North American perspective) Australian gorgousness...give it a whirl.
(You don't mind Steph, do you??)
Mate, I'm gonna maybe throw the 'ol timer routine at you.
Ignore if it makes no sense, but anyway...
Perhaps you should go see someone, on the quiet, like???
I mean, I suspect, this is our subconscious minds desperate way of dealing with the intense fear of your day job right?
I AM NO EXPERT!!
Dude...you strike me as a professional guy who ain't no dumbass gung-ho true grit 1950's neanderthal throw-back who 'keeps it all bottled up'.
What about the stories of all dem Vietnam Vets???
I dunno mate, I feel loath to chuck anything, but...perhaps some quiet research on the net in your own time? Perhaps a surripticios (sic) visit to VA site about what the Vietnam / Gulf War Vets now suffer from?
I dunno, basiucally an ounce of prevention is worth a tonne of cure??
Concerned
Darius
PS Guard that mouse, that mouse is your friend!!
You make me laugh then you make me weepy!!! And I am sorry, but I think that mouse needs to go!!!!! I will pray for you to get good sleep. Thanks for posting! Stay safe!
Hi CS,
My son used to have night terrors when he was younger. It was scary for all involved because he "looked" like he was awake but he wasn't. He was under alot of stress at the time.
Two nights ago I dreamt about a talking bull dog. It was asking me not to take all his pennies. ???? I remember thinking in my dream, "they are never gonna believe this, a talking dog!!!". It was funny. Guess ya had to be there.
Hey thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog and saying such a nice thing. It made me feel better.
Wow, lots of comments: Kari yes it is hard, and good to hear from you.
Claire-Lucid dreaming, hmm,I'll have to look into that.
Steph-I'm afraid you are right.
Kristin-Yeah, my friends are scared too. Empathy is good.
Buppie-always good hearing from you. That was a funny shout out to the little person.
Eunuch-I'm with you bro.
Nate-thanks, man, Eva all the way.
Merujo-I think they do, they just aren't talking
BG-combat sneaks are the bomb!
Mrshife-Totally hilarious now.
T-milk and honey? have to get on that one-sounds good
lizzie-Yes, the water is back on. Only out a few days. Fake AK-s-those are everywhere. It does seem a bit wrong.
meghan-what a visual-hmm, Adam's in to? about fishnets? maybe he'll blog about it. like the blogolympics. poor Steph-who could attack her? after that vacation and all she's worn out
DT-ha ha, now you're in on it to? You guys Down Under. This is like global peer pressure. Who knew blogs could be so fun-Steph-first Australian blogger pressured to turn pin up girl. Too funny. I'm sure she would be admired.
You're too funny, man-imagine her Australian exoticness-combine that with that Danish sleep pillow, and I'm all set
On the serious side, I think that shrinks here are already booked. A friend already emailed and told me as much-people do go a bit crazy over here-I should do some checking-(though I must say-thanks to reading those Aussie blogs I now know what 'chuck' means) but seriously i've had a ton of emails of concern so I'll have to write another happy post.
nice comment that.
that mouse is fat now.
ST-so the mouse ate some oats? we all have to eat, right?
D-I'm with you-I know strange dreams-a talking dog is like 6 on a 1-10 sanity scale.
Justin will do just fine. Tell him not to do stupid things when he is bored.
Well...if the shrinks are booked up, get yourself in the line. At least you've got the thought of 'screaming your lungs out at a gorgous female civvie shrink and cursing about too familiar translators who want to be 'friends', orange pyjama clad IED planters and a damn fakkin' cheeky little SOB mouse who shits on your food (but international pressure keeps the little SOB alive. Damn UN!!. And hey Doc, my schlong still hasn't recovered from the frakkin' electric shock it got last week when I had a shower...it's grown to 17 inches...wanna look??"
Nahhhhh, knowing your luck it's be a 250 pound fat blading bloke..
Serious: Book a session!
Darius
PS - the mouse is your friend...LOVE DE MOUSYYY
that type of nightmare/terror is pretty common. especially the sensation of paranoia and of being watched - many times it comes as a lucid or semi-lucid dream of beings standing around the dreamer, observing, with the dreamer not being able to move, or in the alien abduction type scenarios, which are similar. I don't know the technical terms for it, but I'm sure you can find tons about it online.
anyway, if you find that sleeping during the day helps, to hell with what anyone else thinks, I say do what works for you.
Post a Comment
<< Home